2012-11-24 , 9:28 a.m.
It has been quite awhile since a guy made me feel like I was in High School...
This is bound to be a ramble. A vent. A purging of the kaleidoscope color-meld flashes of immature emotions that this particular male conjured up.
Let's call him "K". Ok? ;p
He made me feel comfortable. It usually takes me quite awhile to warm to someone.
We kissed... and paused. And breathed. And kissed again.
I felt jealous... and couldn't even hide it well. I felt smitten and hid it worse.
He got into my system. I don't know how...
And I, being me... Bolt at the first sign I'm losing control of myself over a guy.
I can't follow any impulse when I'm like that.
The second I act on it, *poof*.
I end things.
I can't leave well enough alone, damn it.
Maybe it's just the season. This change of weather. Take away the humidity from Florida, and not only does my hair not know what to do, neither do my feelings.
But a cool breeze does feel... amazing from time to time.
I still really like him.
Why am I so damn scared?
Good question. Glad you asked.
I think it's the knowledge of what happened when I let a man warm me deep before.
And I'm scared of liking someone so much that I'm blind to their faults. To the warning signs.
I'm afraid of finding the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Terrified.
Because you never know what monster waits behind a human face.
Trust issues. I trusted him too quickly and too easily... and I shouldn't have.... I can't.
I wanted more information... and quickly, so that I could validate the trust I was tossing upon him.
And he didn't give it to me faster than my caffeine-drenched mind... and there you have it.
*Poof*
I ended it...
My God I'm crazy.
At least this time I realize it.
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