2012-04-30 , 5:02 p.m.
It's sad when a book can break your heart....
When all your hopes, wants, dreams, desires... can only be fulfilled in fiction.
Fabricated stories from a person with a mind like yours.
That stir up a myriad of emotions you wish you could keep buried. It would make the lonliness stand out so much less.
Keeping the craving... this tenderness. The urge to be snuggled up. To be held. To be cared deeply for. To be treasured. To have someone who would fight for you. Protect you. To have someone you can depend on.... Someone who truly wants you happy.
To not have to rely on my own strength for a time.
I don't know if I'm entirely ready for that... The fact that I had to look away from the computer screen in order to type the words out proves that it's difficult for me to admit.
Admit that I need it sometimes, badly...
I suppose I don't believe it exists.
Except in the story fairy tale fantasy in my head...
I suppose I'd need to meet someone to prove to me that it does.
I do know I never thought that I would ever meet a man who I'd want to have children with. But I did.
And I have found that the people who have made the largest impact in my life have been those that have been tossed into my world, by seemingly random acts of God...
This knowledge allows me to worry much less...
And for hope... to remain forever, in the very same heart, that's been broken and mended before.
